我爱上了一个人,她叫寂寞。

她沉鱼落雁,倾国倾城,在我眼中,也许越女西施也无法与之媲美。那一个夜深人静的夜晚,她悄悄在我耳畔说,无论岁月有多么漫长,生命有多么坎坷,夜晚有多么可怕,人群有多么熙熙攘攘,她都会守在我的身旁,用全部的爱成全我最美的人生。说完,留下了她最美的吻。

于是,从那一个夜晚开始,我爱上了她。

明月当空,美酒一杯,佳人相伴,叹天下之大,懂我者,卿也。借三分醉意,恍惚中佳人脸颊略显桃红,揽佳人入怀,卿卿我我,细雨相伴,好一番美景,好一番销魂。

我爱上了一个人,她叫寂寞。

她在我怀中娇柔,在我心中徜徉,她说的每一句话我始终不曾忘记。我知道,若人生没有了乐趣,宁愿与她相伴而死。

人生苦短,还有多少事情需要我们去完成,还有多少人需要我们等待,相遇或者错过。也许,寂寞不是一个人,也许寂寞是我心中的影子,也许寂寞只是黄粱一梦。我爱上的这个人,她敢兑现她的承诺,她没有怨言地始终如一的尽心尽力爱我。

我荣幸的宣布:我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!我已经变态了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Today I reviewed the movie We Were Soldiers.I respect them in no doubt.The movie based on novell .Right now I paste some paragraphes below.Enjoy Yourself!

“This story is about time and memories. The time was 1965, a different kind of year, a watershed year when one era was ending in America and another was beginning. We felt it then, in the many ways our lives changed so suddenly, so dramatically, and looking back on it from a quarter-century gone we are left in no doubt. It was the year America decided to directly intervene in the Byzantine affairs of obscure and distant South Vietnam. It was the year we went to war. In the broad, traditional sense, that “we” who went to war was all of us, all Americans, though in truth at that time the larger majority had little knowledge, less interest and no great concern with what was beginning so far away.

So this story is about the smaller, more tightly focused “we” of that sentence, the first American combat troops who boarded World War II-era troop ships, sailed to that little known place and fought the first major battle of a conflict that would drag on for ten long years and come as near to destroying America as it did to destroying Vietnam.

The Ia Drang Campaign was to the Vietnam War what the terrible Spanish Civil War of the 1930’s was to World War II—a dress rehearsal. The place where new tactics, techniques and weapons were tested, perfected and validated. In the Ia Drang, both sides claimed victory and both sides drew lessons, some of them dangerously deceptive, which echoed and resonated throughout the decade of bloody fighting and bitter sacrifice that was to come.

This is about what we did, what we saw, what we suffered in a 34-day campaign in the remote Ia Drang Valley of the Central Highlands of South Vietnam in November, 1965, when we were young and confident and patriotic and our countrymen knew little and cared less about our sacrifices.

Another war story, you say? Not exactly, for on the more important levels this is a love story, told in our own words and by our own actions. We were the children of the 1950’s and we went where we were sent because we loved our country. We were draftees, most of us, but we were proud of the opportunity to serve that country just as ou* thers had served in World War II and our older brothers in Korea. We were members of an elite, experimental combat division trained in the new art of airmobile wa*re at the behest of President John F. Kennedy.

Just before we shipped out to Vietnam the Army handed us the colors of the historic 1st Cavalry Division and we all proudly sewed on the big yellow and black shoulder patches with the horse head silhouette. We went to war because our country asked us to go, because our new President, Lyndon B. Johnson, ordered us to go, but more importantly because we saw it as our duty to go. That is one kind of love.

Another and far more transcendent love came to us unbidden on the battlefields as it does on every battlefield in every war man has ever fought. We discovered in that depressing, hellish place where death was our constant companion that we loved each other. We killed for each other, we died for each other and we wept for each other. And in time we came to love each other as brothers. In battle our world shrank to the man on our left and the man on our right and the enemy all around. We held each other’s lives in our hands and we learned to share our fears, our hopes, our dreams as readily as we shared what little else good came our way.

We were the children of the 1950’s and John F. Kennedy’s young stalwarts of the early 1960’s. He told the world that Americans would go anywhere, pay any price, bear any burden in the defense of *. We were the down payment on that costly contract, but the man who signed it was not there when we fulfilled his promise. John F. Kennedy waited for us on a hill in Arlington National Cemetery, and in time, by the thousands, we came to fill those slopes with our white marble markers and to ask on the murmur of the wind if that was truly the future he had envisioned for us.

Among us were old veterans, grizzled sergeants who had fought in Europe and the Pacific in World War II and had survived the frozen hell of the Chosin Reservoir in Korea, and now were about to add another star to their Combat Infantryman’s Badge. There were Regular Army enlistees, young men from America’s small towns whose fathers told them they would learn discipline and become real men in the Army. There were other young men who chose the Army over an equal term in prison. Alternative sentencing, the judges call it now. But the majority were draftees, 19- and 20-year-old boys summoned from all across America to do their two years in green by their friendly local Selective Service Boards. The PFC’s soldiered for $99.37 a month; the Sergeants First Class for $343.50 a month.

Leading us were the sons of West Point and the young ROTC lieutenants from Rutgers and The Citadel and, yes, even Yale University who had heard Kennedy’s call and answered it. There were also the young enlisted men and NCO’s who passed through Officer Candidate School and emerged, newly minted, officers and gentlemen. All laughed nervously when confronted with the cold statistics that measured a second lieutenant’s combat life expectancy in minutes and seconds, not hours. Our second lieutenants were paid $241.20 per month.

The Class of 1965 came out of the old America, a nation which disappeared forever in the smoke that billowed off the jungle battlegrounds where we fought and bled. The country which sent us off to war was not there to welcome us home. It no longer existed. We answered the call of one President who was now dead; followed the orders of another who would be hounded from office, and haunted, by the war he mismanaged so badly.

Many of our countrymen came to hate the war we fought. Those who hated it the most—the professionally sensitive—were not, in the end, sensitive enough to differentiate between the war and the soldiers who had been ordered to fight it. They hated us as well, and we went to ground in the crossfire, as we had learned in the jungles.

In time our battles were forgotten, our sacrifices discounted and both our sanity and our suitability for life in polite progressive American society were publicly questioned. Our young-old faces, chiseled and gaunt from the fever and the heat and the sleepless nights, now stare back at us, lost and damned strangers, frozen in yellowing snapshots packed away in cardboard boxes with our medals and ribbons.

We rebuilt our lives, found jobs or professions, married, raised families and waited patiently for America to come to its senses. As the years passed we searched each other out and found that the half-remembered pride of service was shared by those who hadshared everything else with us. With them, and only with them, could we talk about what had really happened over there—what we had seen, what we had done, what we had survived.

We knew what Vietnam had been like, and how we looked and acted and talked and smelled. No one in America did. Hollywood got it wrong every damned time, whetting twisted political knives on the bones of our dead brothers.

So once, just this once, this is how it all began, what it was really like, what it meant to us and what we meant to each other. It was no movie. When it was over the dead did not get up and dust themselves off and walk away. The wounded did not wash away the red and go on with life unhurt. Those who were, miraculously, unscratched were by no means untouched. Not one of us left Vietnam the same young man he was when he arrived.

This story, then, is our testament, and our tribute to 234 young Americans who died beside us during four days in Landing Zone X-Ray and Landing Zone Albany in the Valley of Death, 1965. That is more Americans than were killed in any regiment, north or south, at the Battle of Gettysburg, and far more than were killed in combat in the entire Persian Gulf War. Seventy more of our comrades died in the Ia Drang in desperate skirmishes before and after the big battles at X-Ray and Albany. All the names, 305 of them, are engraved on the third panel to the right of the apex, Panel 3-East, of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C., and on our hearts. This is also the story of the suffering of families whose lives were forever shattered by the death of a father, a son, a husband, a brother in that Valley.

While those who have never known war may fail to see the logic, this story also stands as tribute to the hundreds of young men of the 320th, 33rd and 66th Regiments of the Peoples Army of Vietnam who died by our hand in that place. They, too, fought and died bravely. They were a worthy enemy. We who killed them pray that their bones were recovered from that wild, desolate place where we left them, and taken home for decent and honorable burial.

This is our story and theirs. For we were soldiers once, and young.”


这会真的好累,但是累过了很开心,很舒服的感觉。今天开了一天车,自拿到驾照后,第一次自己一个人开车。早上和爸爸,大伯开车去了皋兰,看望了我三姑奶,年纪大了,生病了,比较难。从皋兰回来后,把爸爸和大伯都送走后,一个人开车从白银路,到南滨河马路,然后到新港城,嘿嘿,是啊,把葡萄两口子叫上,这样我就不会有怕怕的感觉了。

第一次周末过东口十字,好多车,好多人,说不紧张那是假话,不过还好,没有发生什么意外事情,呵呵,没白练一年车啊。市区开车就是那样,走走停停,很讨厌,很麻烦,但很喜欢跑长途的感觉,在市区的时候,感觉自己精神高度集中,变道时要注意后车,跟前车不能太近,十字路口又要注意红灯,太刺激了,太过瘾了。呵呵。

今天自己开了200多公里吧,反正刚才放车的时候,我看了一下里程表,今天跑了280公里,除了葡萄开的路程,剩下的全是我造的。哈哈哈。开了一天车,真的大呼过瘾啊。

不过今天张倩同志向我反映,说我速度有点快,她害怕呢。呵呵。我有时候就不由自主的跑起来了,怪自己没有控制好自己的脚,呵呵,下次我一定注意,将速度控制一下。她今天摆弄我的手机的时候,把我手机的待机问候语改为”周涛爱自驾”,啊哈哈哈。突然发现开车真的很舒服啊,尤其是阳光明媚的时候,是一种特别舒服的感觉。

好了,这会真的很累,脖子,肩膀都向我抗议了,该休息一会了。

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好梦总是短暂的,总是在梦醒后想要再次拥抱,可是模糊的双眼,清晰的大脑,自己却欺骗不了自己。也许是时候该深刻的检讨一下自己在近一段时间的表现和收获了吧。

昨下午,倩倩同志得知我心情不好,约我晚上坐一会,我也不好推辞,5点我们就往火吧去了。我给葡萄说,我总觉得自己缺少一样东西,但是我不知道我到底缺少的是什么,因为我缺少的这样东西,使我看起来更像是一个小孩子,而不是一个男人。我觉得我缺少的那样东西就是自信,我没有自信。举例来说,我自搬回家住以后,再也没有单独给自己买过衣服裤子之类的东西了,已经很久了,大概4年多了吧,以前一个人住,什么都能做到,可是现在就是买衣服这样简单的事情,我总是希望能拉上一个人陪我去,或者,干脆就是不买,要么把钱给妈妈,让妈妈买,可是妈妈买的衣服颜色又太深,款式比较老土。其实,我觉得这是我在生活中缺乏自信,我应该改变一下。手里握着那么多票子,还怕什么?!

葡萄说,我认识了你这么久,你一直都是一个样子,没有什么变化,只是感觉2年多前见你的时候和现在有一点不同,那时你自信,人快乐,而不像现在,现在你颓废。我发现你现在有一种悲观,或者是忧郁的思想。说到这里,我不知道该怎么对他们说,因为我现在都有点不知道该怎么去说自己了,以前总觉得很了解自己,可是现在我突然感觉根本不了解自己,就好像前几天的日志里面说的,我到底需要怎么样的生活,怎么样的未来。

说到这里,葡萄就问我,那你有没有什么未来的目标?

目标,哦,我似乎还没有。我只是期望一种很平庸,很简单的生活,就是人生没有什么理想,只是简简单单的结婚,生子,然后等待结束这样的生活。生活的水平不要求那么高,只是家里的成员都快乐,开心就可以了。我的家族是典型的农民阶级,身边的亲戚姊妹,没有什么飞黄腾达的,只是简单的生活。

2个哥哥嫂嫂的生活很普通,普通的打工者的生活,长辈就不再说了,平辈的生活都是那样,没有什么惊喜或者让我羡慕的。

葡萄两口子还说到关于钱财的问题,其实这是这个时代最敏感的问题,现在的感情能不谈物质吗?似乎我没有发现过。我这个人确实不懂理睬,向来挣了多少都花了,从来没有给自己存过,也是这个月我才开始努力存钱的,葡萄希望我能加大存款的额度,由800变成1200,1500,他希望我能在3年内存够5万RMB。说实话,这是个挑战。呵呵。我不知道我能不能完成,但是我在坚持,我在继续。

感情的事情,我觉得还是放一放吧,我过于强求却什么都得不到,或者,得到的什么都不是。我很失望,很迷茫。

一天又一天,每天过的日子就好像是醉生梦死。记得我高中班主任曾给我们说过,不要长立誓,要立长誓。呵呵,突然感觉自己快变成这样了。

我脑子里面一片混乱,真的。我不知道该怎么去形容那种状态。总之,很差劲。

谨将此文献给07年1月26日23:23分躺在床上的自己。

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一切来的太快,我快要招架不住了。想不通为什么自己的性格会让人喜欢。也想不通为什么自己说话总是以伤人结束。想不通结婚到底是为了什么,或者因为什么而要在一起。有时候,我真的想闭上眼睛,什么都不想听到,什么都不想见到。

周末历经一次让我无法想通的攻势,我真的不知道没有结果的爱情还存在不存在。

周末牛过生日,我们7个人聚会,几个人在一起,肯定就是打牌,打了一下午我就没有赢一分钱,因为打到最后几把的时候,我实在是没有耐心打下去了,感觉肚子饿饿,想吃饭,没有心思打牌了。所以最后一把我把自己所有的牌子都输完了。呵呵。只是陪打。

聚会上我带了她,我想让大家都看一看我认识的那个她,大家说她很开朗,她不会打牌,就在我旁边坐着看,然后时不时给大家倒水,辛苦她了。呵呵。哥们几个就说让人家也玩玩,人家也不愿意玩。后来我们散了,她就跟我说了一句话,”以后这样的聚会再别叫我,没有意思”,当时我心就凉啊。唉。我发现我自己现在挺自私的,尤其是在吃饭的时候,我感觉到的,我总是先给自己夹菜,然后才会意识到要给人家夹菜。我已经没救了。两个人走在路上的时候,竟然也不知道要说些什么了。感觉没有心灵的交汇点。

突然感觉到一切都是白费心思,想要逃脱。

我到底要怎么样?!我到底想干什么?!我到底要一个怎么样的女朋友?!我到底需要的是什么!?我开始怀疑自己一直在做的任何事情。

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